Being a die hard Hugh Jackman fan, it was impossible for me to imagine anyone else playing wolverine.  And, to my delight, though just for a few seconds, Hugh appeared in all of his “wolverine” fantastic self!  And I was extremely pleased to see that!

And frankly, it was a put off to see James Mc Avoy with a lot of lipstick and that too in a role made memorable by Patrick Stewert!  Quite a punchline in the end “yeah, now I’ll be balding!”  But otherwise, the intensity in Patrick’s eyes was missing in that of James but he tried his best I guess.

It was Magneto who was very impressive.  With big shoes to fill (after all, it was made immortal by Ian McKellen) Michael Fassbender was a treat to watch!  With his killer intense stare, he told many a tales of agony and power that were very convincing!  I guess his origins in Germany paid rich dividends here!

The relationship between Mistique and Magneto and Prof.X could not have been explained better!  I came out of the movie wishing it had not ended and there was more to come… maybe I was wishing for some more scenes of Wolverine!

A fantastic prequel for anyone who has seen the X-men before or wishes to see X-men.  A must-watch!

Filed under: Movies ]]> http://padmalekha.wordpress.com/2011/06/29/x-men-truly-first-class/feed/ 0 padmalekha http://padmalekha.wordpress.com/2011/03/23/black-swan-wow/ http://padmalekha.wordpress.com/2011/03/23/black-swan-wow/#comments Wed, 23 Mar 2011 16:53:15 +0000 padmalekha http://padmalekha.wordpress.com/?p=296 ]]> Question: Good and Evil – the ancient battle?

When one watches the movie black swan, one is faced with the age old question, whether one should be good or evil?  At the same time, being good and evil is a subjective thing.  I used to tell a friend of mine that she is “too good” and it is not “good” to be “too good”.  Yes, she was easy meat, but at the same time, she was popular, probably because she was easy going.  I have also had friends who were “bitches” when they were pushed to the wall.  And that made them unpopular at times.  Now, who is a “better” person?  One who is too good, or one who can be a bitch?  In a classic Indian society, the former, “good girl” is considered better.  But, in reality, if one considers the demands of life, (especially work life), being a bitch when needed is probably the need of the hour.

With this background, let me try to analyse the movie “black swan” in my own words.  First of all, Natalie Portman deserved an oscar and better for her performance.  Her face shows the nuances of the character so well, her black swan avatar was actually scary!  Make up was fantastic and her transformation from white to black swan was somehow reminiscent of the dark spiderman from spiderman 3!  She looked more muscular and strong and evil!  A fantastic movie, quite hard hitting and does leave you with lingering thoughts for atleast a day and a must watch!  Don’t watch it in theatre if you get scared easily and don’t even attempt to watch it if you get a lot of nightmares, your situation just might become worse.  But, do watch it if you are interested to learn about the dark side of people!

It makes a lot of sence to analyse this movie within the classic Indian mindset.  The protagonist is a “very good” girl who constantly battles her evil ways (evil can be defined as anything immoral (!)) and showing her mother as her constant “conscience” is a very clever thing to do.  Her mother (conscience) follows her everywhere, including her “very personal” moments.  The “white swan” that the protagonist is made to be, is filled with problems that pull her down and keep her from reaching her potential.  Now, why is it difficult to be a “good girl” and be happy?  Because the society won’t let you!  Life cannot be lived/enjoyed fully if one only considers the “good ways” and does not experiment a bit and does not let go!  And also, if one is “nice” one is often taken advantage of at workplace.  How many of us haven’t faced “the bitch” at office and felt so much of anger for her that we could stab her!  Her being “the bitch” is probably possible because we are being the “white swan” all the time!

The nightmares the “white swan” has can be felt by everyone of us who have faced so much of anger for someone and have seen ourselves turning into monsters in our dreams.  It is hatred for our own weaknesses that forces us to beat ourselves up, be it mentally, or physically as the protagonist does.  Its easy if one is a born “black swan”, or somehow one has an innate ability to be a black swan.  But if one has to “become” the black swan, our morality would kill us!  Often we wonder “how can you cheat/beat/blah blah don’t you feel bad?”  but the quintessential bitch doesn’t feel bad.  She can do all these things and never let out a snivel of hatred for herself.  But, being brought up as the white swan is such a let down for many of us, our own conscience is our killer many times as it happens to the protagonist.  If we are forced to have the black swan traits even though we don’t normally possess them, then we hurt ourselves in the process of turning into “that”.

Its only natural that the devil is more attractive than the angel.  The devil can charm and possess and seduce.  The angel just tries to be herself and she is only lucky if she finds another angel to be with her.  It is often that the angel gets seduced by the devil and finds herself licking her wounds later on.  Or if it’s the battle of the same sexes, the angel finds herself trying “so hard” to be the devil that she loses her originality too!  But is it possible to get a mixture of the two qualities without destruction of one’s individuality?  Or more importantly, how to get the balance in time?

The crux of the movie is a lot deeper than the simple analysis that I have tried to give.  But the chill can be felt down our spines when she says “I felt it, perfection”.  Yes, many feel it too, being able to be happy, being able to achieve, only after one becomes tough.  But becoming tough at what cost?  At the cost of our own originality?  Not quite right, the answer seems to be in the way our children are brought up.  It is rather though to say which is morally right (white) and wrong (black).  Moralities change with time and generations.  It would be tough to teach moralities to our children because what was wrong for our parents is perfectly right for us.  And moral policing after a certain age is a strict no-no.  True, not everyone is mature enough but let everyone mature with their own experience, noone needs to be taught how to breathe; similarly, noone needs to be taught how to live.  We are social animals, we watch and learn.  As does the protagonist of the movie.

And as I was talking about the classic Indian mindset, it is time that we let go and broaden our horizons.  Life is not about pleasing everyone, but pleasing oneself first and foremost!

Answer: Its no longer the good and evil battle, now the time is for the battle of the morally right and wrong, which is far more difficult!

Traveling to Jeju was my first ever international traveling experience!  Now, amidst all the last-minute paper work  inevitable in any international trip sponsored by the government, I had little time to pack!  Got nervous, got panicky and finally, after tossing everything into the suitcase even without arranging them, felt better! 

Left for the island of Jeju in South Korea on a cool October night and boarded my first ever international flight which happened to be a Chinese aviation agency… I would rather call the flight a bus journey than a flight journey!  But fortunately, after a not-so-long journey, landed in Hong Kong International airport, which was sooooo big, I was flabbergasted by the very size!  It was like going from one mall to another while moving from one gate to another!

And then we reached the South Korean international airport “Incheon”.  Quite beautifully built, the most impressive thing about Korea is its cleanliness.  We had one night’s stay in Seoul, for which we had picked the perfect place “backpackers inside”.  I would suggest that to anyone who is visiting Seoul.  Its cheap, they speak very good English and they are very helpful!  In the most comfortable bus ever, we reached the hostel which was in the middle of a bustling city neighborhood… but surprisingly quiet!  I could not help but notice the high-heels and mini-skirts most Korean women wore!  Quite the “westernized” types!  I saw only one lady wearing traditional Korean dress, who was a tour guide!  After an exhausting search for “vegetarian food” by one of our group members, we finally had dinner in a small Korean restaurant, who gave us mixed vegetables and noodles and rice with some Kimchi!  (I thoroughly enjoyed that food! – probably the best Korean food I had in the entire journey!)  The restaurant owner did not speak much English but tried his best to explain whatever he could!  The Korean way of saying “no” is to cross the two forefingers in the air and smile apologetically!  I saw that custom there for the first time in that restaurant…

The next morning, we managed to get a glimpse of a Korean palace which was conveniently located near the hostel.  The hostel staff was very helpful in showing us the directions to everything!  The hostel had a small attached cafe, which served fresh roasted coffee.   After a fresh dose of coffee, a fellow traveler was interested in buying some fresh coffee powder from there!  Quite an interesting do that cafe, with taps and old sewing machines being used to make coffee tables!  Collecting our luggage from there, we left to go to the domestic airport in Seoul called “Gimpo”.  We got delayed and were seriously thinking how to reach in time… and though that place was nicely connected by bus, the train station was quite some distance by walk… we walked all the way to the train station only to stand there and think which way to enter it!  Then, a BIG taxi came by and that driver saw us, started to ask where we were headed and we managed to bargain for something a little more than the train fare (talk about not knowing the language, and one of our fellow travelers started saying “kam karo” in Hindi!) and boarded that taxi!  The driver, Mr. Kim kept talking in Korean… asking when we would return to Gimpo and he would drop us to the international airport for half price… his way of asking was showing the calender to me and I had to show him the date on which we were to return!  His only English was “big discount” and “parle parle… Gimpo” parle meaning quickly.  I was sitting next to him and he spoke so much, I wonder what it would have been like if I understood every word he was saying!

And, we reached Gimpo well in time to board the flight to Jeju!  Reached Jeju quite late in the evening to really know how it looked like!  We got into the “airport limousine” bus (contrary to the name, it was not as great as the Incheon airport bus!)  and got dropped at our “Poonglim resort”.  Here also, left at the mercy of the only English speaking person, another Mr. Kim who unfortunately only worked day shift!  I spoke with him over the phone and he translated that to the hotel staff and finally they gave us a room with an attached kitchen (thank heavens for that!).

Exhausted, we slept… and woke up to the beautiful view of Mt.Halla from our balcony!  The other end of the hotel had ocean view, which was a little too costly for us!  The island had fantastic weather at that time and the water was just blissful!  Being formed after Volcano Halla burst, the island was full of porous rocks which filtered the water and enriched it with minerals… the taste of that water was unbelievable!  We went to the rocks next to the sea just behind our hotel, to find the beauty so immense and satisfying!  There are hardly any beaches in the island, with most of the island ending in rocks, one can find a variety of porous igneous rocks, different colours and shapes!

And, for the scientifically curious mind, there was a puzzle here… the water from the ocean was divided into 2 parts.  One in the middle which had only ocean water, was freezing!  Whereas, the part on the left was warm!  The two were separated by only a column of stones which was not more than 10 feet wide!  We were puzzled and then it dawned on us that the warm side was getting thawed by the river current, which was entering the sea at that point!  The difference in temperature was amazing!  And we spent atleast a couple of hours there, until it was time for lunch!

The next day, the conference started and getting up early in the morning and coming back late in the night… there was nothing more we could see by ourselves.   The conference organizers had planned a trip for us!  Into the lava tubes and the bonsai garden… and finally to the most beautiful view of the sea I have ever got!  It was so blue, I felt, one could dip a brush in that water and paint oneself blue!  We had a little trek to the top of a small volcanic crater which was covered with trees!  There was so much wind, we joked that a thinner person would fly away!  And got our photos clicked by a Korean, who said “1,2,3 cheezu…” which brought a big smile to our faces, making that photo probably the most memorable!

There was a lady sitting at the conference, giving away books on Korea to the visitors and explaining it in English!  She was also most helpful when a fellow traveler had cold, offering to give some vitamin C!  And talking about culture of Jeju, one cannot miss the “Stone grandfather” (dol hareubang) who is a kind of guardian to each village and whose face graces most gift articles from Jeju!  He is the symbol of Jeju and one cannot miss his “grim” face everywhere in that happy island full of Oranges!

Having tasted spirit of Jeju, “Soju”, I thought I should bring some to my friends here…  I searched and searched and finally found it in the in-house shop in our resort!  (reminded me of a Kannada saying which says “magunna kankuLalle iTkonDu UrellA huDukidrante”  roughly meaning “searching everywhere for something which was right under one’s nose!”)

Also, saw that in Korean, dad is called Appa and mom is called Amma!  Talk about similarities!  Our tour guide told us that in Jeju one could see 3 things in abundance “rocks, wind and women”!  Before someone got some idea, he reiterated that tourists saw mostly women because women were the skilled divers in that island and even to this day, women over 50 are the best divers there!

Food was ofcourse a major issue, with nothing showing whatever being offered was cooked or raw and none of us being able to read Korean was an added trouble!  I heard a funny story about my fellow travelers squeezing the last bit of English out of a shop keeper about some international calling cards and he ran away the next time he saw them!  But having our own kitchen saved us from the trouble atleast for dinner!  After a few days, I had just begun to feel at home, just begun to explore the local cuisine (being Indian, slow at trying out different food!) and it was already time to leave!  And I had just discovered where one could find good bun with butter!

Well, it was time to say goodbye to the beautiful island and the friendly people there and all the new friends I had made!  It was a trip worth remembering for a long time and the place was indeed “beautiful”!

Though the people looked highly westernized, their heart was indeed that of a friendly oriental lot, who went out of their way at times to help the visitors who were strangers to their land and language!

“Kamsa Hamida” : Korean for Thank you!

We all dream… some we remember, some we don’t.  But I haven’t seen any movie which dealt with the subject better!  One incredible movie which makes you think and question “your” reality!  Christopher Nolan did make a fantastic Dark Knight but Inception is a masterpiece!  Of course, one needs to concentrate in the entire movie, listen to every conversation intently and having an equally good companion (one who has watched almost all the movies you have and one who can analyze and dissect a movie) is a plus! (I was fortunate to have one with me!).   There are so many places wherein one draws parallels to The Matrix…  Leonardo was good as usual but the movie did not give him too much scope to act.  Marion Cotillard, playing his wife however, stole the show with all her “disbelief” and “confusion” and “love”…  Tom Hardy was amazing as Eames (first time I saw him after Star Trek Nemesis)…  Michael Caine is probably Nolan’s muse and it is always a pleasure to watch him!  It was a nail biting experience, never felt the length of the movie, watching the time at the end was surprising!  I was able to predict the last scene to some extent but Nolan did not let it become completely predictable at all!

Now, there are many theories about dreams (Freudian to say the least!) including some people saying you can’t see colours in dreams.  But, I definitely see colour and I can taste food and sometimes even smell things!  But, everyone knows how difficult it is to try and continue a good dream which comes to a sudden end!  We lie down again, try to think about that same thought, expecting it to continue… sometimes if we are lucky, it does!  (happened to me a couple of times!).  But, imagine the possibility of creating your own dreams!  Imagine the possibility of knowing that you are in your own dream and hence you have absolute powers to do anything you want! (again, The Matrix, and Neo) (I realised this in my dreams only a few times, that too for a very short while).  Then, who would want to be awake?!  Dream on!  But, there is a catch, is it really nice to know you can control everything?!  Then, where is the possibility of a surprise? (call it shock, loss, death… name anything you want).  Is it that absolute power corrupts absolutely?!  No, absolute power bores absolutely! With so many things to ponder about, watching Inception was just wonderful!  My take on it: DON’T MISS IT!

The funniest part was when Dicaprio and Ellen walk up a 90 degree wall, it reminds you of the old Batman series in which Batman and Robin used to walk up on walls holding ropes and to think of it, you link Nolan with Batman  (rather for creating the best Joker) anyway!

Answer: There is a famous line from Girish Karnad’s Kannada play Yayathi “I can walk  in a path without lights, but how can I walk in a path without dreams?”

Different people need different forms of relaxation.  I, for example need different modes of relaxation at different points of my space-time continuum.  Depending on causality (really!), the events that caused the distress/strain in that situation would demand a different kind of relaxation tool each time.  I will try to delve into what makes me (as an example) relaxed and see if I can see a pattern…  I am avoiding using addictions like smoking, getting drunk and narcotic drugs as relaxants here since I find such addictions as an unnatural way of coping with stress and mostly avoidable.  And I am also not including anything that involves another person’s help in some way.  I am only talking about those things which can be done completely by oneself.

I have of course always found music to be relaxing.  But what kind of music?  Believe it or not, I have seen people relaxing listening to heavy metal!  I have relaxed listening from old Hindi songs to rock music (light-metal, one could say).  Depending on how romantic my mood is, I find Kannada light music (bhaavageethe) relaxing at times!  Sometimes on the other hand, music can be so irritating, it makes me all the more angry if I have to listen to some “shit” (I would have found the same shit adorable at a different time!) when I am irritated!  So, is the mind so dependent on what is going on in the head (read brain) to need a certain kind of relaxant?

And depending on how angry I am, Road Rash (NFS for some people) helps me relax by kicking some ass (literally) and speeding through the imaginary roads, gives an Adrenaline high that is ultimately relaxing! (Ironic, but true!)  Now I completely understand why some people find going for long drives relaxing!

There are other stress busters like writing, painting or tidying up my room, watching a nice movie (well, whatever feels nice at that time!)… But all depends on the mood one is in at that time!

And last but definitely not the least, somebody once told me “the best way to relax is with a glass of scotch and star trek”!  I am not sure about the scotch part but I could not agree less about the star trek aspect!  Recently had the pleasure of watching episodes of “Star Trek the original series” and could not help but fall in love with it!  I find watching an episode at the end of a hard day as relaxing and liberating as anything else!  Call it pure idiosyncrasies of a Physicist, call it being blind to the realities of life, call it anything you want, but some things touch us in ways beyond any explanation!  I remember watching Star Trek in fascination as a child when my father used to watch it on TV not understanding a word that was spoken on the show and all I knew was that the pointed eared fellow was called as “Spock” and he was an alien!  Now that I know more, need I say more than “live long and prosper” for a hard-core trekie to get his/her heart all warmed up?!  The very mention of Star Trek is reason enough for me to get into a fantasy land and relax!

In the end, is there any “one” thing that makes me relaxed the most?  I cannot pin point to anything in particular!  Also, what makes these things work for me and not for someone else?  Are relaxation mechanisms so wired into the brain?  Does it depend on professional background?  I doubt that.  Does it have mostly to do with a genetic/environmental make-up and an aptitude for certain disciplines?  Now what kind of aptitude do people have?  Strictly speaking, I cannot define it completely.  I know many scientists who have a good aptitude for arts and literature!  Their career is mostly whatever they chose it to be and maybe their “real” aptitude is in something else!  Then what decides what is good for them to relax?

I believe it is as much our choice as is our career.  We may not really know what relaxes us “most” and we just select whatever is available to us at that time and we “believe” that it relaxes us!  Maybe one day we will discover something else which relaxes us beyond anything else and all our efforts spent on other things as futile!

Answer: I don’t think there is anything particular that one needs.  One needs to discover it by oneself through the course of one’s life!  I find such a possibility of being able to find something entirely new and different to relax with, “quite fascinating!” (in words of Spock!)

Of course, we love our mother tongue.  But I am talking about falling in love with a language I knew already all over again.. or is it really the language we are talking about or is it an accent or is it the person who is speaking in it?!

But let me explain my latest fixation anyway… I saw this really good looking hunk in a movie who spoke in an accent which was quite endearing… well, now I have to think whether I really liked him or the accent.  I liked him in another movie before in which he did not have this accent but I had not liked him that much!  When I saw the latter movie, I absolutely fell for that accent.. I am not even sure if what he speaks is the correct accent since I have not met anyone from that part of the world!  I am assuming that it is correct but hey, I guess when you like something so much, correctness does not really matter!   Infact, we derive so much fun by deliberately using “wrong” sentences and “wrong” pronunciations!

I feel every language touches you in a certain way.  Some language might sound romantic, some poetic, some musical… and how it sounds very much depends on who is speaking it!  Ex: when one hears Rex Harrison as Prof. Henry Higgins saying “why can’t the English learn to speak?” it is not only hilarious but utterly believable when he says it so convincingly (I am sure Bernard Shaw believed what he wrote!)  and when he says “the Scott and the Irish bring you close to tears…” I used to believe it…but only until I had my latest “encounter” with the Irish accent!  I felt it bring a smile on my face!

Now it brings me to my point about falling in love with an accent, and it was the Irish accent that I feel in love with!  And the actor speaking it was Gerard Butler.  He was screen-scorching hot in 300, and nothing other than that… but in this movie, no doubt he was eye-candy but his accent really felt so good (watch P.S: I love you).  But it was not only his accent but that of every other Irishman who comes in that movie that really touched me… it was such a “cute” accent!  That proves that it was not only because of Gerard Butler that I liked that accent, it was genuinely nice to me!  So much so that these days I look forward to hearing that accent which makes me feel so good!  Never knew that a language which I knew pretty well beforehand could feel so new and fresh!

Do we feel the same about different accents/dialects of our mother tongue?  Atleast depending on who is speaking it, I do.  I have a friend who speaks a different dialect of my mother tongue Kannada and it is only when he speaks that I find that dialect endearing!  There is something about the way he pronounces the words and constructs the sentences, which I have not heard from others from that region.  Then, is it the accent that I like here or is it because he speaks it so well?!

Answer: It is a tough question as to why we might like a certain language in a certain accent!  Whether it was Gerard Butler’s charisma or its innate simplicity, all I know is that I certainly fell in “luv” with the Irish accent!

Mumbai is not a new place for many Indians.  Many have gone there atleast once but I had been unfortunate that I had not done it till now!  Finally, as a part of a conference I got to visit Mumbai and boy, did I have fun!  I will skip all the gory details of the conference and get straight to the fun part!  To really understand the way all these journeys took place, it will be good to know the stations in Mumbai.  There is a schematic map of Mumbai local train network here.  We did most of our journeys in the local trains and it’s the fastest and most efficient way of getting from point A to point B.  And when you have your best friend as your travel buddy, that tops everything else!

Ok, the conference got over and now what?  Having thought that one of the two free days would go for one experiment, fate had it that it was already running somewhere in the end of Mumbai which left us with two days for exploration.  The night before the fun started, the decision was to rest as much as we can to make up for the loss of sleep thanks to the brainless arrangements made by the conference committee trying to make sure our stay was as comfortable as possible!  Owing to my good old Dada’s grace, I got to stay with really nice people later on, who took care of me like their daughter.  This place of residence was in Chembur.  And my friend also got to stay at a friend’s at  Lokamanya TT which was just one station away from Chembur.  So far, so good…

I got the royal treatment of being picked up by mamaji in his car and treated to a nice dinner made by the sweet mamiji and it was a blissful, long sleep after that!  I got up lazily, had a slow breakfast and a slower bath, and finally went out of the house by afternoon!  Met up with my friend and we were both still a little sleep deprived a tad bit too lazy to do anything!  We had a little snack thinking we will have lunch later (mistake) and thought the day was still quite long for us to see many parts of Mumbai.  Being from academics, the value of money is a little high for us and we decided to travel by local trains buying a ticket bunch.  After our little snack, we went from Chembur to Kurla and to Dadar by local train and found out where the cloak room was and where our train for BengaLuru would come the next night, we thought we should see where we will be coming (probably running! ) Then we lazed around, seeing parts of Dadar and wondering where to have lunch and by the time we had lunch, it was already 5:30 pm (the outcome of the mistake) the day had got over so soon!

I made a sad face fearing we have ruined the day without having a proper plan.  But my friend was very right in suggesting that we should not ruin what was remaining of the day by feelings of melancholy so we decided to make the best of what we had left of that day and went to marine drive by local train.  The sunset was over by the time we reached there (but hey, we had already caught a beautiful sunset at TIFR, so who cared?!), but still we sat there for the heck of it and had something to eat that they were selling (which tasted awful )  Then walked for quite some distance (probably more than a km) thinking about the great ice cream that awaited us and finally reached the famous “naturals” ice cream and had our fill of really good ice cream (that was worth the walk!)!  Then we got into a taxi to go to Chowpaty, the snack capital of Mumbai!  Frankly, we were disappointed by the taste of snacks there but nevertheless it was fun!  From Chowpaty, it became quite late to go anywhere else so we went back to Chembur to our respective lodging places.

The next day was also lazy, determined not to lose anymore sleep I slept lots more and finally got out with my luggage  by afternoon (again!) After rendezvous at Chembur station, we went from Chembur station to Dadar station in the local train, changing train at Kurla, with heavy rush, being literally pulled into the compartment and pushed out ‘with my luggage’ by the “flow” of people, I felt it was kind of fun though a little scary at times!  And we dumped our luggage in Dadar cloak room with a great sigh of relief and felt suddenly very light!  We went around for that day’s fun with only our backpacks.  We had lunch in Dadar and went to Bandra in local train.  In Bandra we did a fair bit of shopping.  Mostly I was the one shopping where as my friend was after a “certain” article which we found after much deliberation and to my surprise, I found something there which I had been looking for a long time in BengaLuru (talk about being lucky!)!   And from there, we went to Juhu beach by auto rickshaw.  It was quite beautiful and we got to see an almost sun set!  It was very tempting to get wet in the sea, but we did not have any change of clothing there with us and thought people around might get a little nauseated by our smelly clothes if we roamed around without changing them, out of concern for the general public, we dropped the idea!

Now having real constraint of time, we decided to rush back to the station.  I had a perennial question, should we or shouldn’t we go to see Gateway of India which we missed the previous day?!  My friend was all enthusiastic and we did a quick calculation of the time we needed to go and come back and it seemed possible!  What the hell, let us run if we have to!

It was around 6 pm and we got into a local train to go all the way to Churchgate (which is the end of the line).  We got into a taxi to get to Gateway of India (walkable from the station otherwise) and the Taj Mahal hotel and from there, went to Colaba Causeway to see the Leopold café (sadly, didn’t have time to eat there) and got some good pastries packed from Calejor, and went back to Churchgate station in Taxi.  All this sight-seeing happened within an hour!

We caught another local train from there to Dadar and low and behold, we reached Dadar one hour before the scheduled departure of our train to BengaLuru!    Did not have to do any running after all!

We had got curd rice packed for our dinner from some hotel in Dadar and when we opened the package in the train, to our horror, we realized that the hotel-wala had packed curds and rice separately (probably he heard curds + rice!) and well, it was fun in it’s own way trying to mix it without having a plate and using only the plastic covers they came in!   But we had it anyway with the pastries and some other junk!  (I guess curds + rice made up for the non-junk part! )

And, we were coming back to good old BengaLuru!  And yeah, probably we could have seen many more places but could we have had a better time seeing them?  I don’t think so!  How true it is when people say “the number of hours  you spend don’t count, how you spend them counts!”

P.S: We had maximum fun by travelling in local trains; dont miss it if you visit Mumbai and who knows, if you are lucky like me, you might get a seat and end up eating in a hotel run by a Kannadiga more than once!

Answer: The best way to enjoy a new city is to be like the people there, travel like them, eat like them and just don’t get frustrated for not getting to see something.  Life is fairly long and we can see it later!  All you need to have fun – enthusiasm, strength in your legs, adaptable taste buds and good company!

(I am assuming we are not talking about arranged marriages)

Most of us have seen many movies which talk about finding “the one” for the protagonist.  And I saw a similar one yesterday and it made me think about this topic.  These movies mostly end in fairy-tale weddings and happily-ever-afters!  But, is it true that there is some “one” meant for each of us?  I don’t think so.  All of us who have seen life to some extent know that there is nothing perfect and nothing can be perfect.  One seems to have a perfect marriage but beneath the clear water there is mud!  Why do people believe in this notion of “fairy tale romance” and long for that one person they “think” is perfect for them?!  I feel sorry for these people who cannot see beyond romantic movies and expect love to be in a certain way and expect to “fall in love” when the perfect person comes along!

I have seen quite a few of such people who are stuck to the idea of someone in a certain way.  It is what we are told in almost all the romantic movies that “someone, somewhere is waiting for you”!  It is absurd to imagine someone would be waiting for you, let alone someone is perfect for you.  It feels good to hear it, but deep down inside, we know that it is not true, but many prefer to avoid facing the truth!

When we expect the “perfect romance” what we end up with is just bitterness because what we get in reality is never close to what we imagined it to be!  And I daresay about those who are hung up on someone they felt was perfect who was not interested in them!  It is the very fact that they were not interested in you, shows that they were not for you!  Just learning to let-go of all our “ideal” ideals for our life partner seems such a terrible thing to do for many!  The only sane thing to do seems like you chose someone imperfect and try to work things out with that person.  Instead of bickering about lack of the kind of people you like, just take a fresh view of life and see the huge number of people you might like and see if you can live with their flaws!  It is a lot better to have plain milk instead of going hungry thinking about flavored milk!  In the end, they are both just milk and the nutrients they supply is the same! If you are in a relationship, just imagine what the other person might have imagined you to be and what you turned out to be!  You know it deep down inside that you are not perfect in anyway!

It takes two to tango but in a realistic relationship it takes a hell lot more than just two nearly (im)perfect people!

Answer: There is nothing called “the one” for anyone!  It is an illusion created by romanticism, and reality will sting painfully if you don’t wake up early enough!

I watched this movie after so many people recommended it to me, much to my dismay, I was disappointed!  Though it did make me watch the whole movie, I could easily take many breaks and watched it over 3 days!  What a drag!

We dont need this movie to prove that Amitabh can act!  However, it does prove again that Abhishek cannot act and Viday Balan is fast becoming a very good actress!  Arundhati nag was great as usual and the performance of these two ladies saved the movie!  There are plenty of fallacies in the movie, I will list some of them:

• The biggest error in the movie is showing six feet tall Amitabh Bacchan as being a patient of Progeria!  One of the most important characteristics of Progeria is stunted growth, and it is impossible that a child of 12 can be so tall!! Further reading here
• The minister says on screen “arrest me” and nothing gets done to him!  I agree about journalism being provocative and all… but that minister’s behavior was no less stupid… I wish he would have shown a better ingenious way of dealing with the problem!
• Vidya Balan saying that not having children is the reason for Uterine Fibroids!!  WTF?!  There are so many of my own relatives who have had more than one child and developed fibroids later in life and had to have hysterectomy!
• Is the director trying to tell that abortion is bad?  What is the meaning of bringing a life into this world which one cannot support fully?!
• And Abhishek saying in front of full media that “I am glad I did not have a condom that time” is he suggesting that not having a condom is good?! is he advocating unsafe sex?! and asking a lady to marry him in public TV!  I was hoping Viday Balan would have slapped him!  (Remember how Priti reacts to a very public proposal in Chak-de-India!)
• Auro repeatedly saying that he does not like “marriage rituals” but forcing his parents to marry!  And he would not acknowledge his father until he actually became his mother’s husband?!
• I am sorry to say that Amitabh remains Amitabh and does not become Auro, we can see the experienced guy inside the child!
• And where were Abhishek and Vidya studying?  I haven’t seen trains looking like that in India or toilets in trains big enough to have sex in!  I haven’t seen a campus like that in India either!  She was with her mom, I think they were well off enough to travel abroad together still Arundhati says she had to struggle to bring up Vidya alone… somebody explain what is happening…
• There are better ways of saying every child is unique!  If that is the sole reason behind this movie, why would you sound like “have the kid even if you have to bring it up alone, its wrong to abort?!”  If there is any other take home message in this movie, I failed to get it!

Answer: I sincerely doubt if Balki had any intention of saying anything substancial… one can take any other syndrome out of the big list of syndromes out there and make a movie out of it, but the movie has to make sense!  I would not recommend it as a serious movie rather an attempt by a novice at making serious movies!  I guess he succeeded in what he says as his “desire to reverse the roles of Amitabh and Abhishek”.

As I saw this grand old lady struggling to breathe in front of my eyes, I could not help but think, would euthanasia be good in this case?  There were times when she would cry in pain and plead others to end her misery and I thought sometimes aloud if I could help reduce her misery in any way and cursed those who made euthanasia illegal…  Goddamn it, they were not even willing to sedate her for longer times because prolonged sedation might cause death in her case and it would be euthanasia and they cannot do it!  It was very hard to control myself from shouting at that doctor “cant you see that she is dying of pain and discomfort anyway?”… but I knew shouting would be in vain…

As I waited on her in the silence of the night, only disturbed by the beeps of the pulse monitor connected to her struggling life; I wondered if I were a doctor, would I silently put an injection into her veins to end her suffering?  Would I have the nerve?  One is reminded of the movie “Million Dollar Baby” and the hard decision that Clint Eastwood takes.  After all, he was just playing a role and it was easy to take that decision and live a normal life thereafter!  I was wondering if I could ever play that role in reality, would I ever forgive myself?!  I wondered if Euthanasia was made legal also, how would it feel for the doctor who is giving such a drug?  Everything said and done, that doctor is also a human being and how does it feel to take the life of another human being?  However humane the cause might be?!  Assuming euthanasia will not be used for wrong reasons, should it still be made legal?

It is a very hard decision to take and I can understand why it is taking so long for the law and enforcement units to take that decision… I feel euthanasia can be an option if the person who is suffering asks for it.  Another person cannot take a decision on their behalf…

And as far this “Million Dollar Lady” was concerned, her suffering came to an end nevertheless, without me having to think more about the issue… but it still surfaces again and again, if I ever end up in such a situation that requires euthanasia, I would ask them for it…but would anyone have the nerve to give it?  I wish there would be an android like in “Bicentennial man” to help me…

Answer: Euthanasia is the deathright of everyone as important as their birthright.  If only there was a way in which it could be done without the intervention of another human being…

Remember how much we used to relish “mile sur mera tumhara” on DD?  It started off with the majestic voice of Pandit Bhimsen Joshi and ended with an equally compelling voice of Lata Mangeshkar.  I am sure we all remember how each language was given almost equal importance and important people from the region representing that language…  It is a fond memory which was an icon of our culture and diversity!

Has anyone seen the new torturous re-make of this old beauty?  Called “phir mile sur?”  rather “be-sur”?!  It has soooo many flaws that it makes one wonder why they had to murder the old one for this unwanted new one?!  It is such a hastily made song that it makes me nauseated!  I wonder if it was a half-hearted attempt at combining “mile sur” and “baje sargam” which made rag Des a house hold name! (an excellent piece beyond comparison with anything else).  Let me list the reasons why this should “never” be considered an icon of our culture:

• The song is predominantly in Hindi which is an injustice to every other language
• Are youth icons only Bollywood stars?  Though they show some sportsmen in the end, their presence is only for namesake.  The screen time occupied by movie actors is a lot more than others!
• Who said only the Bacchan family has the right to be the centre of everything?  And is Aishwarya Rai the only Bollywood actress worth her name to come on screen with her husband?  What about the rest who are married to other actors?  What is wrong with Bipasha Basu and John Abraham (don’t tell me just because they are not married, they should not come together on screen, if you are so bothered about our culture, first see what these idiots on screen are wearing!)
• Why is Karan Johar the only director to be on the screen though he has done nothing to make India proud and has not directed a single movie that makes sense!  There are stalwarts like Govind Nihalani and Girish KasarawaLLi who deserve to be there!  Or if you want someone who makes sensible commercial movies, why not the multi-faceted Vishal Bharadwaj?!
• And Shiamak Dawar seems to be training ladies to be cabaret dancers!  Is this our culture?!  Gimme a break!
• What is Deepika PadukoNe wearing?  I am assuming it is a bathing dress since she is standing next to a river!  And she should be ashamed that she is featured as singing in Hindi whereas her father was in the Kannada part of it!
• And why is Kavitha Krishnamurthy singing the Kannada part?  It does not sound like Kannada in the first place and couldn’t they find a Kannadiga to sing the same?
• And Sonu nigam was better off singing alone somewhere!  His song is the most idiotic with people next to him completely out of place and not knowing what expression to show on their faces!
• Shankar Mahadevan “trying” to give justice to what was sung by “Vidwan Bala MuraLi KrishNa”… it is obvious he has not succeeded!
• And of course, Salman Khan continues his hatred with clothes!  Why the hell is he showing off his (out-of-shape) biceps in front kids I wonder!
• Some languages are given more screen place than most others, Hindi being the predominant!
• Has classical music lost its relevance among Indian youth?  I hope SPICMACAY is listening!

I can continue with flaws but I get tired of it…. The only saving grace of this video are the performances by Ustad Amjad Ali Khan, Pandit Shiv Kumar Sharma, Ustad Zakir Hussain, ShivamaNi and the presence of some sport stars (especially Mary Kom) towards the end but they are all singing in Hindi!  But alas, they come a tad bit too late to make it worth watching!

If you want to still watch this piece of horror, do so here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C9WMr7FQfHE

And for those who loved the original one, watch it here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gstRrEmTcBc

And a piece of the best of the lot, “baje sargam” here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tW_q5HJ60tc&feature=player_embedded#

Answer: Like one of my favourite authors Michael Crichton said once:

This movie has a decent message to give, and very contemporary too!  But there are sooo many flaws, the movie hardly lives up to expectations!  Without these flaws, I supposed this movie could have been another masterpiece like “lage raho munnabhai” which gave a fantastic social message without being wrong!  Why don’t these directors discuss with someone who really knows what they are talking about, before indulging into something like this?!

This movie has been by and large praised and seldom criticized!  I guess lauded mostly because those who watched the movie were not Physicists and probably never got any jokes forwarded to them by e-mail!  I will list the pro’s and con’s :

‘s

• The message is very relevant.  We all know about academic pressures and that is dealt with nicely and the point about being afraid and under performing is also very correct!
• I loved it when the “astrological rings” were thrown into the bedpan!  Very correct and fantastic!
• “follow your passion” is shown correctly and feels good!
• The cinematography is good, with the “black-and-white” sequences being really apt!
• Acting is pretty good by everyone.  Everybody’s comic timing is very good, Javed Jafri shines in the small part he has got!

‘s

• Physically wrong, wrong, wrong!  Does noone know basic physics that a circuit needs to be complete for the current to flow?!  Oh!  the horror!  Like my friend once said “aam aadmi bevakoof (better to use a more unparliamentary word) ban gaya na?”
• Anyone reminded of a “horrible” scene from the Kannada movie “nishkarsha?”  The same “idiotic” thing happens here!
• Hello, does anyone know there is something called “units” in Physics?  “how much should be the pressure?” – “not more than 0.5″  0.5 what?  units please…
• How many times do we hear the same old internet jokes?!  It was definitely “yawn”… man, gimme a reason to laugh!  Its irritating and painful to hear people laughing at jokes you wince at!
• And I did not know that in an engineering college there will only be one class and only one subject!  What were they studying?  mechanical? electrical? electronics?
• Yeah, Kareena Kapoor driving a geared scooter without even touching the clutch!  Wow!  Wish I could drive like that!  Probably she got her eyes lased, her specs miraculously vanished towards the end!
• I must have said “bull shit” atleast 10 times during the movie!

Many ask me why I have to find out small mistakes and not enjoy a movie just like that?!  I am sorry, I have seen far too many great movies to admire any substandard work!  I am a critique and I cannot help but point out small mistakes.  A great director is one who gives importance to minor details.  It shows in the craft!  People, grow up!  Only when the audience demands good quality stuff, will it be delivered!  Do you want to watch something as relevant and fantastically shot?  Watch “Dead poet’s society”…

My verdict: Watch it once, but don’t have any expectations, its an average film!

Answer: The protagonists were not idiots but there were plenty of idiots in the cinema hall who seemingly kept enjoying idiotic sequences!

This had been a persistent question for which I had not found a convincing answer until recently.  Let me explain the premise for this question.  All those who have done a bit of colour study (maybe in school) know that the primary colours are Red, Blue and Yellow!  We mix yellow and blue to get green.  Try your best to mix red, green and blue, you will never get yellow!  Then why do people in electronics call Red, Blue and Green as primary colours?  We see that they mix red and green and produce yellow!  How do they do that?  Do wavelengths mix in different ways than actual colours?

Let us try to understand what happens when we mix colours.  Let’s say we mix water colours yellow and blue, the pigments in them react in such a way that they produce green.  The mixing of colours is considered either additive or subtractive, depending on whether the pigments are getting added or removed when we mix them and consequently, they produce different output colours.

When we add light, it is always additive and to subtract, one needs filters.  And wavelengths are perfect (in the sense, there is a fixed wavelength for a given colour of light!)  So, when we add two wavelengths, it gives us a resulting wavelength of a particular colour!  And not only primary colours, even other colours can be used to produce white!  The very concept of primary colours seems to have changed in the past few decades!  The reason behind our primary (colour) confusion seems to lie in the reason that what we use as blue in paints is actually not blue but a shade of cyan!

Now I come to my major concern… I find it hard to believe what I wrote in he above paragraph since cyan looks so very different than blue!  But, is it the same cyan and blue for me as it is for you?  Of course not!  Each human eye receives colours slightly differently and each human brain processes them equally differently!

Then it boils down to another question, I wonder if aesthetics can be universal at all?!  What I call as beautiful, might be looking rather dull and ordinary to another brain!  Its not the person’s fault if he/she is unable to appreciate beauty like me!  What looks great to them looks bad to me!  Then, can I draw any conclusions at all and judge people based on their taste (of colour)?!  I wonder if there can ever be a “universal” aesthetic sense!

Answer: RGB it is!  But Y is it like that?  There is an obvious answer in Physics.  But there seems to be no straightforward answer aesthetically(!)

This question has plagued the minds of many people… and the answer is a straightforward “nothing” for people who are just literate…  but let me analyze “scientific literacy” in the light of recent events….

Probably the greatest and very rare natural spectacle that one can observe is a total Solar eclipse.  The one that comes close on its heels is a partial Solar eclipse.  What we saw on January 15^th, 2009 in Bangalore was a partial Solar eclipse.  I was halfway on the Moon (!) thinking of all that I could (not) see on that day and was happily going out of my home during eclipse like I do during every eclipse.  I make sure I soak my body in the eclipsed Sun rays and make sure I cleanse myself in them (and never bathe after the eclipse on the same day – I don’t want to wash away the “puNya” )!  This year, I was greeted by almost deserted roads… 90% of all stores closed down…and buses being empty!  Ok…this was the normal public, it was expected that they would be scared to death thanks to a huge a**hole who speaks on TV telling people all sorts of rubbish about eclipse and what precautions to take!  It is pretty obvious they get scared, after all they are not scientifically literate!  But why the hell were many schools and colleges closed?  When I was in school/college, this never happened, eclipse or not, my school/college never closed!  We seem to be heading backwards in terms of blind beliefs!

But when I entered the sacred (!) institute’s campus, I was kind of out of my melancholy mood (result of thinking about all those poor citizens who got carried away listening to BS on TV)… seeing all the beautiful patterns the tree leaves made on the ground, the Moon-eaten Sun, the mid-day evening feel… it was all great…. but least did I know that I was to face more stinking BS here…

Following the footsteps of our beloved HN, I eat “during” every eclipse and I went to the mess “during” eclipse to have lunch.  I saw atleast 25% less students attending lunch in the mess!  I wonder what percent of them took the day off and not go their respective departments?!  Afterall, lunch was during eclipse and the food would be heavily contaminated!  I heard a lady asking post-eclipse in a coffee-shop, “was this food cooked after the eclipse?”  I beg to ask these people, if you are so concerned about eclipse, make sure you sow fresh seeds which were grown from plants which never saw an eclipse, and after these crops grow, process the seeds and eat them and till then don’t even think about eating… and how do you purify water which is supposed to purify everything else?  By using a stupid “darbe” (a sort of grass)?!  Are you sure that “darbe” never saw the eclipsed Sun?  Can you bet your bottom rupee that it is definitely “pure”?!  And if you eat food that was made and stored in the fridge before eclipse, does it get contaminated or not?!… these are questions to be asked only to the ignorant peasants who don’t know anything and are scared to ask questions…

But what explanation is there for people who are supposed to be well-read in “science” to behave like this?  They are encouraged to question everything they study and they see… instead of questioning, they are bending their heads to age-old myths about something natural and beautiful as an eclipse!!  When I think about these people who call themselves scientists without a single bone of rationality in them, I seriously doubt the kind of education they have had!  Was there noone in their schools/colleges who taught them the way to think?!  Forget about parental pressures, they stay in hostels damn it!  I think one good way of teaching these people some responsibility (yes, we have a huge responsibility towards the society to bring them out of their ignorance) would be to catch each one of them of your acquaintance who follows such hogwash and talk with (argue and if need be, insult) them, so that they will understand that they are in the minority (I hope) and mend their ways!  You can’t bend and fully grown tree but I believe when it comes to people, there is always a way and I try to find one by writing the above… hopefully it will insult some enough to make them think!

Answer:  Science education ≠ scientific temper!  Only scientific thinking can lead to a good scientific way of life… one need not be a scientist to understand this!

I saw the much hyped “avatar” in 3-D!  First of all, I am highly disappointed! The 3-D effects were bad, and the film itself fell flat on its face!  The story being so very pathetic, I am surprised people are actually advertising for it!  And to top it all, it was the top movie of last year on a TV review program!  (Top gross(!)ing movie probably!)  What could have been a good action flick turned out to be a disastrous love story!  My list of comments…

‘s

• The visual effects and imagination are great.  The visuals really manage to take you into another world of another planet and you do wish you were there to feel the beauty.  It’s tough to realize an entirely new world and make it believable.  One gets really into the details in a scene.  All the minute details have been worked out really well and we can see every drop of water and every ripple in it and every feather on a bird’s body!  Fantastic special effects!

• Acting by some actors is good.  Seasoned actors like Sigourney Weaver have done a good job.  The actor Michelle Rodriguez seems to have a knack for doing similar kick-ass roles in movies and she does a good job.  The male who does colonel’s role Stephen Lang (reminds one of Sarge in QUAKE!) fits the bill quite well.  Sam Worthington’s acting is an improvisation from “Terminator salvations”!

• A good thing to show humans as the villains (aliens!) in a world full of movies showing us as “humane” and everything else as something “less”.

‘s

• The movie is toooo long (3 hours! gasp!)  I thought only Indian directors had this habit of pulling a movie beyond its elastic limit and make the damage plastic!  Whatever interest one had in the beginning thins down by the interval itself!

• The story is really pathetic.  Only someone who thinks we just cannot think, can expect us to “not predict” the next scene in the movie and the ending was soooo predictable!

• Where is 3D?!  I have heard older 3D movies had better effects!  (I don’t know if I am to blame the theatre!)  We see arrows and bullets flying around us, fierce creatures trying to hunt people down, but there is no chills sent down anyone’s spine!  We don’t feel like ducking for anything and that universe still remains “another universe” in which we cannot participate.  Was the director trying to make sure little children could see his movie!? (the story is fit for a small child anyway!)

• When there is an emotional scene going on that is supposed to be sad, actually evokes laughter, I am sorry, Mr. Cameron, this movie is a failure!  There have been many smaller scale but far better made movies which talk about environment conservation in a more practical manner!  We don’t have to pay so much and sit for so long to get this simple message packed into a headache!

Answer: In a theatre, NO!  (Yes – only If you are only interested in the special effects)  Whether you watch it 2D or 3D, it’s not going to make any difference… suit yourselves!  And if you have to go, DON’T GO TO INOX!  The worst 3D experience!

(Disclaimer: I am not talking about “physical beauty ideal”)

This question is put in front of every woman especially Indian woman.  They are expected to have certain “behavioral ideals” e.g., mother, grandmother, mother-in-law or some age-old ideals like sati savitri, seethe…etc.  In this modern day and age, what would consist of an “ideal” for a woman?  Many would say “their mother” – that’s what most women say on TV(!)– probably a publicity gimmick – or maybe like all the beauty contestants want “world peace” in Ms. Congeniality!  Many women are being portrayed as “nice” ,“adjusting” … and all that crap as being “ideal” on TV shows and movies!

But why doesn’t anyone ask what kind of “physical ideal” a woman should have?  Like Bheema or Hercules or Superman  for men, there should be something like that for women too!  I would like to give a list of “my kind of physical ideals” for women to be like!  Risking sounding clichéd and probably childish, I would still try to explain the following…

I would say a “physical ideal” must be a very strong person physically and mentally, one who can take on anything in this world and give it back with equal force!  My ideals would be the following from cartoon to TV serial to movies!

Speaking of cartoons, one of my friends asked me “who is your favourite in Justice League?” and I had a very simple answer “Wonder Woman!”  Why?  She is so damn strong -  what a hitter, in one episode, even superman gets hit nicely by her!  In another episode she fights off all the other female members of justice league all by herself and noone can stop her! Is she great?  You betcha!

In movies, nothing would beat Uma Thurman’s “bride” in Kill Bill Vol.1!  Though the movie and its sequel has been laughed at by many (mostly guys who could not handle a lethal woman! ) I would still call her the best fighter there has been in movies!  The way she ruthlessly kills her defaulters should send chills down the spine of anyone who dares to wrong a woman!  Like the famous saying:  “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!”

In the world of TV it is Xena – warrior princess.  (those who haven’t watched the TV show, do so!)  Watching her in action makes every woman feel strong…  The fighting and the blood only adds to the glory of the character and makes one wonder, “can I be like her sometime?”  And the fact that the role became legendary says volumes about its impact!  The word “xenophobia” got a different meaning thanks to this character… need I say more?  I don’t think so…

Yes, all these ideals are far from being real and noone can achieve what they achieve on these shows but can’t we get something from their attitude?  After all, what is physical strength without the correct mindset?  The take home message from all these characters is only this “I am not inferior to anyone in anyway”… noone can dare cross you or take you for granted or illtreat you if you develop some of the attitudes that these characters have.. one of them is “ cross me at your own risk”  If you are a die-hard optimist and believe in yourself  and make it clear in your attitude then nothing/noone can stop you!

Answer: There are  so many examples of “physical ideals” that can be had!  Go ahead, pick your own “physical ideal” and make the most of your life thinking like her!  Because like it or not, we  live in this “materialistic and physical world” and we won’t be letting anyone take us lightly!

Posted in Feminism ]]> http://padmalekha.wordpress.com/2010/01/05/physical-ideals/feed/ 5 padmalekha http://padmalekha.wordpress.com/2009/12/28/city-town/ http://padmalekha.wordpress.com/2009/12/28/city-town/#comments Mon, 28 Dec 2009 11:16:43 +0000 padmalekha http://padmalekha.wordpress.com/?p=132 ]]> Question: Why do men from smaller towns find it difficult to get a bride?  Is there something wrong with where they live?

I have faced this question many times.  Even from some of my friends who are well educated and are well settled, but find it difficult to get a bride to stay with them in their not-so-urban setting.  Why is this trend?  (I am ofcourse assuming an arranged marriage here)

I once was in a classroom where the teacher asked “how many would like to settle in a village? and how many in a city?”  I was one of the few who had raised their hand for city.  Many in the class preferred a village…  But what I see in reality is just the opposite!

Recently some of my aunts had gathered in my home to discuss some routine things.  One of the topics of discussion was “bride and groom hunting” (as it is typical in the case of a certain age-group!)   One of them was saying “I know a guy belonging to a certain (higher) caste, very good looking, has a lot of agricultural land and property, well-to-do from a slightly smaller town, (not a village)  but he is not able to find a bride and his parents were asking me to find a bride for him.  I told them “if you can’t find a bride in your surrounding towns, how will you find one in Bangalore?”” Another aunt said “even girls who have not studied much and are not going to a job are not ready to go to a smaller town from Bangalore…” I was listening to all these with interest.  I was wondering what could be the explanation?  Of course, for a  girl like me with the attitude of “free-independent-do-what-I-want” urban woman would never fit with the attitude of a simple village/small town home and I would drive all of them crazy and they would drive me nuts too!  But what about those women who don’t have all these “so-called” crazy thoughts?  I have the following explanations:

Though the woman may not be going for a job, there are other things which are very important for her which make it difficult for her to stay in a smaller town.  I am assuming a town (not a village) which has all the basic necessities like electricity, sanitation, water, reasonable climate and maybe even malls and entertainment like movie theatres.  I am also assuming non important reasons like “fashion” and “need to talk in English” are not involved.  It is not just the glitter and glamour of cities which make women stay there… there are so many other things….  I have tried to list them in their decreasing order of importance:

1. Children get the best education possible in cities like Bangalore.  The job opportunities are endless.
2. Women are respected better in big cities where they have more rights.  Any woman can raise a huge issue if there is eve teasing in public places.  She need not take anything silently anymore!  Girls from smaller towns agree with me about how men look at them in Bangalore and other smaller towns is very different.  I have felt the difference just by going slightly out of the city.  The very “way” a man stares at us is different from within the city to outside the city!  How vulnerable a woman might feel if she were to stand alone in a small town!
3. Each family has its own privacy in big cities.  No one intervenes in your business and tells you “this is wrong, that is right”  But in smaller towns, everyone’s business s everyone else’s business and there is no concept of “private family matter”
4. A city dwelling woman might decide not to wear a “mangaLasutra” or “toe-ring” or “saree”… after marriage out of sheer boredom (if not for any other reason) and noone would care in a big city; but if she is in a smaller town, everyone will look at her as though she is an alien from a different planet for (not) doing all these!  She will be shunned and gossiped about…

There can be many other reasons but these are all that I could think of… I guess it is the mentality of the people in smaller towns which needs to change big time in order for urban women to even think of going there.  Even women from these places who come to bigger cities might not want to go back!  It is time for a big change in attitude among smaller town folks to grow up fast, only then will they see that people like the guy I mentioned above will not remain single!  It is a long and tedious job, which I hope will be done in due course of time (soon enough!)…  And of course, government’s job to increase good educational facilities in smaller towns is invaluable in these efforts!

Answer: It is not that there is something wrong with “where these men live”, there are a lot of things which are wrong with “how they live” which need to be corrected for their homes to become more acceptable as a future home for urban women!

We hear men complaining that their women ask them to buy some stuff for them… be it jewelry, clothes, shoes,…anything.  And many men whine and cry over it.  I would like to see it from the following angle…

We see that time and again, a woman in general does not feel bad or ashamed asking her man to buy her some stuff.  It is so common for them to ask “buy me this, buy me that..” but has anyone seen a guy asking his girl to buy him something?  Have you seen a guy saying “I need this shirt, please buy it for me”!!!  It comes from the innate need for a guy to be the “provider” to his family that he does not feel like asking – that can be understood.  But at the same time, why do women feel like asking, is a question which does not have a straightforward answer!

I am assuming that we are not talking about our previous generation where a woman was not financially independent and she did not have any other go than to depend on her husband for materialistic stuff that she needed.  Even in today’s world, where a woman is as independent, as qualified and as successful as her man, why is it that women ask for things?  I have seen girls with good qualification, good enough to earn their own living telling their friends they would like to marry a guy who gets minimum “xyz” amount of salary because they cannot survive with anything less!  Now, why should a man provide any money for the woman’s “survival” so to speak?!  It is her responsibility to see to that she is good enough to get whatever she needs!  If she is not good enough to earn that much, she should be happy with whatever she deserves!

It is a fact of our society that a woman can easily demand that she should survive on her husband’s money and not work.  A woman is not expected to work!  Hence, they are not serious about their identities in this world and how much they value themselves!  Any serious woman would graciously accept a gift but would never demand for something making themselves look stupid!

And as for the men who blame these women for making them spend, the answer lies in their attitude to be the provider as I said above!  Yes, a man needs to be the provider, for the basic necessities, not for stupidities!  And why do men blame women for this behavior when they are encouraging it all the time?  All that a man needs to do is to tell his woman that she should fend for herself!  Any self-respecting woman will respect this thought!  If any woman gets offended by this statement, then she is being a child!  Stop giving heed to the child’s demands, correct the child and the child should mature with time!

One might ask – what about women who have to stay back at home to take care of family?

I heard a very good story from a friend who saw a couple in a foreign country where the wife had to give up her job to look after their child.  She was very unhappy that she had to ask him for money for her everyday expenses.  They came to a consensus that he would transfer some percentage of his salary to her account every month and that would be her salary because she is doing a full time job of taking care of their family!  Then, how she spent her money was her concern!  That, I felt was a great way to deal with the situation!  The woman will not feel dependent, the man will not feel bad making her dependent on him!  I wish/hope to see such a thing happening in our country!

Answer: It is definitely not only the woman’s fault that she asks for stuff, it’s the man’s fault too who is encouraging such behavior.  Change the attitude in both the sexes, the solution shall emerge!

I have an old-faithful “phat phatia” (as they call it in Hindi).  It is capable of measly speeds but I try my best to drive it to its maximum speed anytime possible!   for, it is infamous as “The Ferrari”, “The jet plane”… but none of these comments made me feel anything.  One day, I was taking a friend pillion and en-route he said “please take your Street Hawk to the left”.  That comment made me kind of proud!

Many of us have grown up remembering the awesome speed Street Hawk had, the kick-ass stunts it performed… and how easy it was to believe all that!  Starting with the way Jesse Mach came through the opening-the-world-door and waiting with bated breath to the moment the count down would start “5,4,3,2,1…. wham” and Street Hawk zoomed past, the lights growing into streaks!  It was an amazing experience as a kid, I am sure not only me, many who watched it became fans of such bikes!

Though the comparison with my two-wheeler was ironical, damn it, I must have done something to earn the respect of such a comparison!  For me, my two-wheeler has been my Street Hawk!  Whatever it is capable of, it manages to give me a little bit of thrill in its own way!

Not everyone can afford to have one or have the skills to drive one Street Hawk!  We all try our best to be Jesse Machs in our lives!  We want to own a Street Hawk which will obey only us, can be driven only by us and capable of doing anything we please!  Some come close but most of us fall short by miles!  But we tried, and trying made all the difference than being the pillion!  The worst thing to do is to be a silent pillion, letting someone else do the driving for us!  Then we don’t know where we are going and how fast we can reach there…and there is nothing we can do to control anything!  Fidgeting on the pillion seat will only make the ride worse!  It’s frustrating until we take up the driving ourselves to learn the limitations of the bike and to understand why we were so slow… I think it is better to be a reasonable driver with a meager bike, than to be a bad driver with a Street Hawk!  With the latter being the case, we are neither giving justice to the bike, nor are we being truthful to ourselves!

But if we learn the skills to drive better, maybe one day we can actually have our own Street Hawk and drive it like Jesse Mach!

Answer: The best way to go from A to B is by driving yourself!  Anything you drive is good enough because you will know what you are capable of doing given the current resources!

This is a question which does not probably arise in the minds of individuals who believe in the concept of an almighty who can do anything.  But, in the minds of die hard skeptics like me, this question bugs with no end.  Especially an experimentalist tries to find out how things happen in reality and not just theorize about it!  I will try to explain in a mundane way, which is by no means an exact explanation but it makes me satisfied!

This question bugged me again in the recent past, since I saw a person miraculously get cured out of an illness (minor one) that was troubling him since a considerable time!  Neither he nor the doctors know how it happened!  He is a theist and he gave the credit to almighty and said that was his grace!  Of course, it does not matter how it happened, he is fine and that is all that matters!  But, does this prompt others to ignore therapy and wait for miraculous cures?  There is this belief that human effort is needed and only then God will help.  Now, if God were to help anyway, how much of human effort is needed and how to quantify that?  Is there any way one can predict if someone is going to get cured miraculously or just suffer?

Now, of course one could go to the so-called astrologers and ask them.  That’s another debate in itself whether they are to be believed or not.  Let me not indulge in that for the time being! And I am not considering faith healing or such related crap here either.

Assuming there is no way to predict the outcome of any treatment, I would like to ask then on what basis can one hope that there will be a miraculous cure?  Of course, the world relies on hope and one should never lose hope about any illness.  Hope is what keeps a person alive and kicking (until they kick the bucket! )  But if there is no concept of almighty, what does one pin one’s hopes on?  We can’t hold onto empty space (space is not empty by the way, and hell, its not space, its space-time! )

There is a straightforward but slightly difficult to understand explanation for it.  There is a famous quote:

Those who have done a bit of mathematics know that there is a finite probability that a certain event can happen.  (more remote the event, lesser the probability) but still the event does happen given enough time and effort!  For example, an electron can come out of a nucleus (beta decay) breaking the strong potential barrier, even though the probability of that event happening is extremely small!  If one has a long enough life time and waits for all the treatments to complete and still has enough youth and energy and will to survive, probability of a miraculous cure increases just like waiting for a long enough time (half life to be precise) increases the likelihood that we will see a radioactive atom decay!  One can definitely pin one’s hope on the probability that a miracle can happen (a very small but finite probability!)  Atleast, there is no need to do anything (no point doing anything) to please probability to be partial to us!

As I have told many times to my friends, “if beta decay can happen, anything can happen!”

Answer: There is no need to evoke any almighty for explanation of miraculous cures.  They are events with a certain probability and nature is nothing but mathematics at work!